Elysium Space Will Bury You In Earth Orbit For Less Than $2K

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I have just so many questions.

A spacecraft containing capsulated cremated ashes will be launched into Earth orbit for several months. Family and friends of the former loved ones can follow the orbital journey via a special mobile app, which will show the spacecraft’s current location. Finally, the spacecraft will reenter Earth’s atmosphere with the brightness of a shooting star.

  • Turns out you’re actually one of multiple capsules of ash on board the spacecraft.

  • You ship the remains to Elysium Space. So not only do you get to go to space, you get to go to wherever the hell the USPS decides to accidentally route you.

  • Where do you end up? The spacecraft supposedly burns up on re-entry, but I’m skeptical. You could end up anywhere.

My favorite part of the FAQ is this:

What if the launch does not succeed?

The memorial spaceflight service includes a service guarantee: in case of failure, we will reschedule your flight to our next launch opportunity at no additional cost.

Once we’ve scraped you off the tarmac, presumably.